Monday, June 6, 2011

"In ignorance, I await my own surprise."

How many of ya'll have seen Never Been Kissed? Can I get a raise of hands? *counts quickly* Good, good. It seems that my list of requirements to be my friend was widely circulated. I'm impressed. What you may not know is that it is (partly) the story of my life. Oh heavens! No! I'm not secretly married to Michael Vartan. And no, I'm not an undercover reporter (though I could probably easily pass for a high school student. I suppose that's a perk of having a baby face) for the Chicago Sun Times. Nor was I called Josie Grossy in high school (right, Amy, Aubie and Jess?) But much like Miss Josie Geller, I have never had:

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."

I'm sure that you've surmised by now what I'm getting at: I've never been kissed. I know. Half of you are surprised. Another quarter of you seem to think that this makes sense. A third of you think I'm a prude. (Remember how I'm really good at math?!) And how ever many of you are left over, well, I'm sure you could really care less. If you fit into this category, please, feel free to cease and desist the reading of this post immediately. For those who remain, let me 'splain:  it's not because it's never been offered. And it's not because I'm a total prude. I swear. And it's not because I've never been with a guy that I actually wanted to kiss. It's mostly that, well, the guys that have offered haven't been the same guys that I actually wanted to allow into my bubble. Or it came at an epically wrong moment. And trust me when I say epically wrong; we're talking disastrously bad timing. I won't go into details. 

Whenever I've shared this tidbit of information with people, I get one of two responses: 
a) "That's SO cool. I wished that I'd waited to kiss someone."
b) "Are you kidding me?!" (insert face of complete astonishment here)
I don't like either one. Yes, I know that I am abnormal, but don't try to soothe what you assume to be my ruffled feathers by telling me that you think that it's so cool. It's not like I'm some amazingly virtuous person. And, no, I'm not kidding you. No, I don't need you to teach me how to flirt, I do that quite well on my own. Thank you, but I've waited this long, I'm not going to just kiss some random guy to get it over with, though I've most definitely thought about it.

I won't lie to you: I have my moments where this makes me feel utterly pathetic. I have others where I wish I could just know the future. But in the end, I always come to the same decision. I like surprises. I like not knowing when exciting things are going to happen. It makes each day an adventure. So, as Bones says, "In ignorance, I await my own surprise." 


Thesis Writing said...
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Baby Sister said...

I love that movie. So so so much. I think it's cool that you didn't kiss just to kiss. One day you'll meet a guy that you just have to kiss and it will be grand (as I'm sure you are aware), but I like that you haven't wasted it on stupid people (like my first kiss). Kudos to you. :)

Amy said...

And what a fabulous surprise it will be. :) And no, you were FAR from Josie Grossy. Also, I think I'd like to read your top-secret report of high school. Do it!!! :D

Amy said...

Also I think the shock is a "how has someone as georgeous as you never BEEN KISSED" not surprise that you aren't kissing back - that's just a way things work out - but "how have you lived 25 years and not been attacked and mauled by every man within 10 miles of you." THAT'S the shock. :) That's probably just as bad of a shock, but there ya go. That's why I'm surprised. :D

e said...

unless you can have a first kiss story as epic as the movie Never Been Kissed....don't give into the hype.

I support you. :D

Cyd said...

I think I need to have "In ignorance, I await my own surprise" put on a T-shirt. And a poster. And a key-chain. And possibly a tattoo (henna, at least). Because that's FANTASTIC.

(And I am waiting with bated breath for the onset of your kissing stories - I'm getting all gleeful and squirmy thinking about how fun those tellings are going to be!)

Amber Sayer Walker said...

Go, you! I always figured the more kisses one gives away, the less they're worth.

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