Tuesday, January 4, 2011
"If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!" Peter Pan
I've made a decision.
I'm never growing up. Ever.
Mostly because I'm scared to pieces about it. I don't know anything about 401Ks, insurance policies or retirement plans. I still (on occasion) watch the Disney Channel and I own both "A Cinderella Story" and "Another Cinderella Story". And I watch them. I like sleeping in on Saturday mornings. Grown ups are supposed to get up early and clean or jog or something responsible like that. And they typically describe themselves as 'adults' as opposed to grown ups.
Enough jabbering and out with the truth of the matter:
I'm in major denial about graduating in May.
I'm half ecstatic, half paralyzed by fear.
What, may I ask, does one do with a history degree?
I like reading books and writing papers. I like going to class and taking notes. For heaven's sake, I like being a college student! Don't tell, but I like midterms and finals. The only kinds of exams which make me positively ill are of the mathematical variety. I enjoy studying.
Don't stone me, but it's the honest to goodness truth. I swear on Yoda. And my copy of Beauty and the Beast. And my Berlin T-shirt which reads. "You are leaving the American sector" in 4 languages.
How in heaven's name am I supposed to decide what I want to do for the next 10 to 20 years when I have a hard time deciding what I want to wear for the next 10 to 20 minutes? (Don't believe me? Ask my sisters. I change my clothes more than most people breathe.)
See, I can think of lots of things that sound fun to do: pilot the Millennium Falcon, become a ninja spy, find out what fruit cake is actually made from... but none of those are professions.
There's one thing that I really want to do. So badly that I can almost taste it:
I want to teach for Teach for America.
Desperately. Ardently. And any other adverbs that you can think of which convey intense desire. But it's not a sure thing. I can't guarantee that I'll be accepted.
So. Instead of face an uncertain reality, I've made the childish decision never to grow up.
Anyone care to join me?