Monday, May 9, 2011
Playing grown up...
Do you ever feel like you're just playing at being an adult? Let me tell you something: even though I have been counting down the days until graduation, it still felt like I was just pretending. As I sat in a sea of black and red clad graduates all wearing those ridiculous mortar board hats (Can I pause in my seriousness to say that I want to find the person who decided what graduation attire should look like and give them a swift kick in the shins? Everyone looks terrible in that get up AND it screws with your hair. Okay, rant over), I couldn't help but have a slight moment of panic at the idea of entering the real world.
I've spent the last few days telling people that I still have to go home and finish my homework or contemplating which classes to register for next semester only to come to the jarring realization that all my homework is done and all my classes completed. I suppose that being a school nerd makes the transition slightly more painful because in reality, I'm going to miss school. (Not enough to start grad school right away, mind you. I'm not that nuts.) Part of me is going to miss the papers and the lectures, the assigned reading and the study groups.
School was safe because it was something that I knew for sure that I was good at. Now I'm required to make all of that knowledge useful somehow, and I'm at a loss for how to do so. I know that a history degree is basically useless without a master's and most places that I apply to work won't care about my views on the Cold War or that I know all about FDR and his alphabet soup.
But I am determined to make the last 8 years of my life worth something on the grand scale of things. I've already been offered and turned down 2 jobs because they weren't what was right for me (trust me when I say that I know it sounds completely crazy. Take it up with the Lord), and I just have to trust that someone who is much more intelligent and has my best interests at heart is directing things. As long as I follow His plans and His inspirations, I'll end up right where He needs me to be and what could be better than that?