Saturday, March 5, 2011

Wherein I realize that I'm the sidekick...

Sometimes I have epic realizations. I know, right? You never would expect that coming from me. I do it just to keep you on your toes. When you think I'm going to zig, I'll zag and the next time I'll zig, just to mess you up for the time after that when I zag. I'm pretty great like that. Anyway, back to my epic realization. I came to the conclusion that I'm the sidekick in the classic and storied tradition of characters such as Morgan Grimes, Robin, Tinkerbell, Smee (who I actually danced in our jazz company's production of Peter Pan), Barney Rubble, Dr. Watson, Samwise Gamgee and Chewbacca.  Now don't try to argue with me. It's the truth. I am a truly fantastical sidekick because as you all know from years of watching cartoons, the sidekick is typically plays the court jester role. Trips over her own feet, says ridiculously silly things when she's trying desperately to be serious, has memorable catch phrases and shakes up the mood when the tension gets to be too much, like when the heroine is diffusing a bomb or hitting on a cute guy or something equally as life changing and world saving. These are all of the things that I'm best at. Ask my friends. I'll even give you examples for your reading pleasure (and to strengthen my case.)

Exhibit A:
 On New Year's Eve my friends and I went to Hale Centre Theatre to see Born Yesterday. Aside from the show itself being delightful, there was a particularly dashing young gentleman playing one of the main characters. Now before I finish this story, you all MUST understand something essential. This particular guy is insanely attractive, like make your legs turn to jelly good looking. Which is exactly what happened to me when I met him. I was wearing 3 inch heels and I ended up having to take them off because I had completely lost my ability to balance after he hugged me and then put his arm around me while we were talking. I was ready to liquefy. It provided endless entertainment for my friends; partly because I turned scarlet when anyone brought it up again and partly because my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't hold my car keys.

Example Dos:
At what is quite possibly the most intense part of Star Wars Episode II (when Anakin and Padme are confessing their undying love for one another) I looked at the screen and said, "Don't worry, you'll make babies." This is one of my more tame examples of my mouth acquiring a mind of its own when I'm not actively paying attention. The rest...don't really need to be shared in a public forum.

Exhibit C-Eleventy:
Really? I need to give you an exhibit C? Fine.
Memorable catch phrases:
"Don't judge."
"This is my insert emotion here face."
"I'm awesome."
"Look at you!"

The heroine usually has some task that she hates to do, so the responsibility to complete said task falls to the sidekick, i.e. Sara doesn't love to drive, and I do. Also, the sidekick is usually mini. I'm travel sized for your convenience.

The sidekick tends to talk a lot...I'm excellent at talking.

The sidekick is usually younger than the heroine; most of my friends (except KMJ) are older than me.

I rest my case.


Amy said...

My friends bought a t-shirt that says "fun-sized" on it, which is what you are. And also travel-sized. What a lovely sidekick you make. But also, the sidekick usually doubles as a heroine (not the drug, the character) but someone else has to tell the story where she's the heroine. I think you should hire someone to tell that story too.

Also, tell us more about this guy! Clearly he was interested in you - is he available? Does he know that you're travel-sized for his convenience?

Karlie Jones said...

Yes! I am younger than you by 6 months ;)

Whitney and Lish Harris said...

You ARE travel sized for my convenience. Thank you.

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