Everything I Need to Know about Life I Learned from Buddy the Elf...

What? You really think that Buddy does't have some great life lessons to share? Here is where I prove you wrong, my dear friends. WRONG. Because, really, everything you need to know about life, you can learn from Buddy the Elf. 

*It's always appropriate to ask someone's favorite color when answering the phone.

*The yellow ones don't stop.

*When walking across a busy street at a crosswalk, one should step on the white lines only. The black spaces are poison.

*Passion fruit spray, while sounding like it might, does not, in fact, taste good. 

*Taking off your tights in the kitchen is never a good idea.

*To get to New York City from the North Pole, one must pass through the Seven Levels of the Candy Cane Forest, then the Sea of Swirly Twirly Gumdrops and eventually come out through the Lincoln Tunnel.

*Santa does not smell like beef and cheese.

*Syrup is a wonderful addition to any meal as well as being a great gift for that hard to buy for someone.

*The four main food groups are: candy, candy canes, candy corn and syrup.

*Having an elf on your side during a snowball fight is always a good idea.

*Really ginormous toilets are cause for great excitement.

*When in doubt, add more paper snowflakes.

*All serious lists and messages are written on an Etch-a-Sketch.

*Also, Light Brights are an essential part of true Christmas decoration.

*Good pick-up lines include:

   -"Deb, you have such a pretty face you should be on a Christmas card."

   - "I think you're really beautiful and I feel really warm when I'm around you and my tongue swells up."

   - 

*Asking to pick snowberries when one is in the middle of an existential crisis will only get you a "Not now Artic Puffin!"

*Francisco is fun to say.

*Whispering is fun and smiling should always be your favorite.

*Always end the day with a snuggle or a tickle fight.

*Only 8 cookies fit in the VCR.

*South Pole elves are mean.

*Fingers can have heart beats.

And last but not least (now say it with me):

*The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Remember that one time...

when I woke up and my eyes were swollen shut? I do, because it was this morning. Yup yup. I look like I've been crying my eyes out for days on end. I know what you're thinking. "How delightful! I'm so jealous! I've always wanted to attempt to open my eyes in the morning and have the lids stick together!"

 I assure you it was a lovely feeling. 

Also, remember that one time that I found out that they're going to pull my tonsils out of my throat? I do. It was yesterday. Which was all sorts of fun and exciting. Especially after they told me how much fun it's going to be. Who ever heard of feeling worse 7 days after you have surgery than you did the day after? That's a bunch of junk.

Last but so far from least, remember that one time that I completely passed my math class? There was joy and celebration and all sorts of goodness. It was the best Christmas present that I've ever gotten (okay, maybe not better than Yoda or the purse that Squeegee gave me, but pretty close). 

What makes your days merry and bright?

So let's be honest. I had a pretty idyllic childhood. I'm talking chocolate chip cookies when I came home from school and my mom leaving notes in my lunch. My birthdays were fairytalesque.  Homemade crowns? Check. Barbie birthday cake? Double check. I know. 

Don't be jealous. 

I'm sure if you asked really nicely, my mom would make you a Barbie cake and a birthday crown. She's like Superwoman. 

The point of all of this is that Christmas has always been the best time at my house. Everything smells like cinnamon. There's usually some sort of Christmas music playing  and we spend all day on Christmas Eve baking cookies and making candy. Christmas Eve night we make gingerbread houses and watch Muppet Christmas Carol (the best version of a Christmas Carol ever created. Hands down. No contest. Period.)

I love that every year my dad has me stay up late to wrap my mom's Christmas presents.

I love that my mom and I drag one of the little TVs into the kitchen so we can watch Pride and Prejudice while we cook.

I love that all of my siblings and I sleep in the same room on Christmas Eve.

I love that my mom buys all of us girls matching pajama pants to open on Christmas Eve.

I love that even though I'm an adult, I still get excited when we all hide and watch Santa deliver our gifts on Christmas morning.

I love knowing that I bought my parents the perfect Christmas gifts.

I love that my mom makes crepes and homemade hot cocoa on Christmas morning before we all fall back asleep.

I love that Mckay tries, quite unsuccessfully every year, to get me to stay awake during whatever movie he got for Christmas by jumping on me while I'm asleep on the living room floor.

I love that we always go see a Christmas movie as a family at the movie theater.

I love that I can usually get Max or Cole to rub my feet while we watch the Bones marathon on USA.

Mostly, I just love that normally I have to act like an adult, but at Christmas, I get to feel like a little kid again.

What do YOU love about Christmas?

The Worry Balloon...

When I was in first grade, my teacher would blow up a balloon every day at the beginning of class and then she would have each of us channel our 'worries' in to it. 

After our first grade troubles had been cast out of our minds, the balloon was then popped, symbolizing the fact that all our worries had been popped and were no longer relevant.

 The logical part of my seven year old brain hated that freaking balloon. I knew that just because some stinking blown up piece of rubber was passed from grubby seven year hand old to germy seven year old hand, my worries wouldn't go away. 

The irrational side of me worried that when we popped the balloon all my worries would find their way back into my brain and all that silliness would all have been for naught. 

The older I get, the more I think about the worry balloon. This blog has sort of become my worry balloon to some extent. Can I just give you all the list of things that are keeping me up tonight?

-Finals. 

This semester has been so crazy that I haven't been able to focus on my classes like I normally do. The only thing that I'm honestly afraid of in life is failure.

-My grandma. 

She's not been feeling well but won't let me take her to the doctor. Stubborn lady.

-Money.

Remember how the colonists bought the island of Manhattan for some glass beads? Can we go back to that?

-My students and their inability to understand the meaning of the term 'deadline'.

Emphasis on the dead. They also struggle to comprehend the meanings of words such as due, preparation and study.

-Work.

I love my job but my boss is the ultimate perfectionist. I live in constant fear of messing up and her freaking out all over me.

-Bugs.

Yes. This is quite possibly the most irrational of all of my worries. I know I'm crazy. No need to warn me. But they always seem to find their way into my room during the winter. Yuck!!

Well there you have it. My own version of the worry balloon. Fear not, my dears. The worrying has not dampened my effervescent holiday spirit nor my desire to find delightful Christmas presents and my cards are going out this week. Start checking your mailboxes!! 

A little randomness for your viewing pleasure...

-I decided at 2:00 this morning why I love Jane Austen/Elizabeth Gaskel movies and books so much more then most of the modern day crap that comes out: the characters in Jane and Elizabeth's novels actually take time to really fall in love, none of this meeting on the street and falling for each other in like 10 seconds. Honestly though. I mean, yes Margaret Hale and John Thornton had a mutual dislike for one another in the beginning, but it all turned out great, now didn't it? Mr. Darcy may not exist in real life, but the idea that it takes longer then 4 seconds to decide whether or not to spend the rest of your life with someone does. (This was also part of a very bad reaction to a terrible movie with Jennifer Lopez and Alex O'Loughlin. It was epically bad.)

-I will never understand why when I'm on my way to work and I'm in a hurry I hit every single red light, but when I need to put on my make up or eat my dinner on my way to work it's green lights all the way. Doesn't karma understand that a girl's gotta eat?

-It drives me absolutely crazy when people from out of town complain about the weather in Utah. If you hate it so much then just leave. We like all four of our seasons here, thank you very much.

-I caved. I know that I usually don't listen to Christmas music until Thanksgiving is pretty much over, but I had a pretty dreary week and just couldn't take it anymore. The sweet sounds of the Reliant K Christmas album have been filling my car on a regular basis.

-Let it be known in the Verse that I hate making big decisions. I love to dream up fantastic stuff to do, but ask me to decide between two or more dreams? I'm ready to pull my hair out.

-While I'm a fan of all the classical Disney princesses, my favorite by far and away is Mulan. She's so freaking awesome. And she can kick people's trash. None of this waiting in a tower for someone to climb her hair/bring back her lost shoe/kiss her awake. She's 112% awesome.

-I am turning into an old woman. I've been going to bed at 9 pm and I love it more then anything.

-After an unusually bad math exam yesterday, I told my mom that I wanted to call my professor a sadistic whore. Lucky for me, she reminded me that doing so would get rid of all of my karma chips and cancel out all the prayers that I'll pass the class. Thanks for the perspective, Mom.

-After tutoring for almost 2 years, I've decided that I don't want to marry an athlete. I know what kinds of things they do and say when 'no one' is around.

Speaking of happy...

...you know what makes me super happy? Christmas cards. And I've decided that even though my mom sends out a family Christmas card (well sometimes it ends up being more of a New Years' card...) I'm going to send out one on my own this year. Why not? I'm an adult, who has a fantastically interesting life and absolutely LOVES getting and sending mail. But, my dear friends, what's a card if you have no one to send it to? And now I get to my point. I want your address. Trust me, I'm not going to stalk you (unless you want me to). I just want to send you a little love and holiday joy in the form of a freaking awesome card from yours truly. If you don't want to leave your address in the comments, email  it to me. :) mal.mecham@gmail.com

Loves!

M

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

It's no secret that I adore fall. It's also no secret that I adore snow. Yes, you can blame me for praying for it on a regular basis as soon as November 1st hits. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Don't hate me. Anyway, as I was driving to work this afternoon I was flipping through the radio channels and FM100 has already started playing Christmas music (which I'm morally opposed to. I am my father's daughter through and through on this one. No Christmas until after Thanksgiving) and heard the end of my all-time, most favorite, played-on-repeat-all-season-long Christmas song: I'll Be Home For Christmas. And even though I detest listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving, I let it play. It was snowing and I was all warm and stuggley in my car (feeling perfectly safe driving thanks to my new tires and my wonderful daddy) and I remembered once again how much I love this time of year. I love that I have an excuse to go home a lot to do things like make candy with my mom or for family Christmas parties. I love that EVERY time I go home my whole house smells like cinnamon. I love that finals are almost here and that means the semester is almost over. Basically the ONLY downside to all this is that is ends too fast. So here's the the start of my very favorite time of the year....