Everything I need to know in life I learned from watching Doctor Who...

It is a truth  universally acknowledged that a man in possession of  a blue box must be in want of a companion...

Everything I Need to Know in Life, I Learned from Watching Doctor Who:

- It's never too late to start over.

-If you're on your way to a gay, gypsy bat mitzvah for the disabled and you suddenly get a random thought? Follow through on it. The Third Reich really is rubbish and killing Hitler is a brilliant idea.

-When in doubt, put on your brainy specs. They'll help.

-The smallest, most insignificant moment can change the fate of the universe.

-Turn left.

-Always be yourself.

-Bananas are good, pears are nasty, and apples are rubbish.

-Waiting is worth it in the end.

-Don't trust mannequins, anything dressed as Father Christmas, or any type of Christmas decoration.

-Bowties are cool.

-Sometimes? Everybody lives.

-The Doctor lies.

-It's often the most ordinary looking people who make the biggest difference.

-Time is NOT the boss of you.

-Don't blink. Don't even think about it.

-Shakespeare was a flirt.

-Spending Christmas in London is a surefire way to meet the Doctor.

-A mop and a fez complete any outfit.

-Be excited about your fingers.

-Feel like everyone is staring at your back? Yeah, there's probably a time vortex there.

-Extermination is never the answer.

-Love is always more powerful than hate.

-Dying and turning into a Roman is VERY distracting.

-Good men don't need rules.

-Nothing can last forever.

-Spoilers are everywhere. Just look for them.

-Things are rarely what they seem.

-We don't understand babies because we're just not listening the right way.

-The universe is big. And vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things can happen and we call them miracles.

-You have control over who you will be.

-Keeping a journal will come in handy.

-Memory is more powerful than we know.

-When you disagree with the manual, throw it into a supernova.

-The universe is made of tiny stories.

-Time is not a straight line, it's a ball of wibbley wobbley timey wimey.

-There's loads of boring stuff. Like Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons. But now and then there are Saturdays. Big temporal tipping points when anything's possible.

-Don't trust anyone who brings you coffee just to be nice. 

-They might shoot you, but you still have the moral high ground.

-If you wake up with a bunch of tick marks on your arm, and you can't remember what just happened? RUN. It means the Silence is near.

-Books are the greatest weapons in the world.

-Even when you try your hardest, sometimes you fail. You just have to dust off your trainers, straighten your bowtie and move on.

-Speaking of trainers, they go nicely with a pinstripe suit.

-Don't be afraid to try something ridiculous such as fish fingers and custard. It might be exactly what you're looking for.

-If you're going to die, do it looking like a Peruvian folk band.

-The Rotmeister isn't the greatest nickname.

-When in doubt, make up a word.

-Patience is for wimps.

-Being normal is overrated.

-Be sure your wedding dress has pockets. And that you always carry your cell phone.

-If you look hard enough, there are more wonders in the world than you could have ever dreamed of.

From the ridiculous to the sublime...

I'm a planner.
I like lists.
I like timelines.
I like back-up plans.
I like to be able to check things off and know that I'm done.

When I was in high school, I created a life plan. And part of this life plan (as absolutely silly and ridiculous as this might seem now) included purchasing all of my clothes from Banana Republic. Vain? Maybe. But it was a goal all the same.

Something else you need to know? I got a new job today. Yup. It's true. Who has two thumbs and is the newest member of the graduate admissions staff? This girl. This job is fancy. And I am... well, blessed doesn't seem to be a strong enough word. This opportunity had absolutely nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact that I have a loving, wonderful and completely gracious Father in Heaven who surrounded me with incredible friends that think far better things of me than I deserve.

One of the best parts about this fantastic job (the promotion from "administrative assistant" to "program coordinator" aside)? A raise. It's completely tacky to say how much, but I will tell you this: it's enough that I can cross my Banana Republic goal off my list. And I have solid proof that this goal was not as lame as it may originally seem. I will now recount the story for your reading pleasure.

(clears throat and announces the following in a dramatic tone)

SOLID PROOF OF THE VALIDITY OF MY BANANA REPUBLIC GOAL:

Last Friday evening, Sarah the Theatre Fairy and I took City Creek by storm to do a little 'light' shopping because a) I finally got my tax return (long story) and 2) I had a job interview on Monday afternoon. We made our way into Banana Republic (which I swear was glowing just a little, proving that it's as magical as I've always thought) where we were greeted by a completely lovely sales girl who immediately started pulling out the most beautiful clothes for me to try on. In the middle of all the gorgeous madness, Sarah found the Perfect Dress. Everything about this dress was amazing. As soon as I zipped it up, I could hear the Hallelujah Chorus playing. I looked taller, my skin was clearer, my hair was brighter...You name it, this dress did it. My fairy godmother herself couldn't have whipped up anything better with her magic wand than this dress. Then Sara found a 40% coupon online. Long story short? I left Banana with the dress and a few other things, as well as a lovely Banana credit card which has been put to good use over the last week. I walked into Aldo and found the Perfect Shoes to go with the Perfect Dress. They were the last pair, on sale, in my size. Thank you, Shopping Gods.

  Fast forward to Monday morning and me walking into work. The dress was a hit. The interview was perfect. And now I have myself a fancy new job, all thanks to a fantastic friend, a whole lot of inspiration, and the Perfect Dress. Tonight I went back in...just because I have a discount now and why not? The same girl who helped me last week was working, and not only did she remember me, but she was thrilled that I got my job. If you ever need a self-esteem boost, visit the BR at City Creek. Those girls could make you feel great if you looked like death warmed over.

So my friends. What is the point of this post? Simple: No matter how silly the goal, it feels fab to cross it off the list.

Side Effects of Being An Assistant...

First off, you all should know that I'm a horrible person. As long as we have that established, you can read on.

Because of my job, I attend a lot of meetings. I take notes. I bring coffee. I make copies. I give brilliant suggestions that make the entire room gasp in admiration and appreciation. (One of these things is not like the other...) Basically, I'm Pam from The Office, minus the whole Jim situation. Unfortunately.

Anyway, because I studied history, I'm a fantastic note taker. No joke. It's one of my superpowers. My last semester of school, I was paid to take notes in one of my classes. It was delightful. I basically got paid to go to class. But again, I digress. As I'm sitting in these meetings, (many of which are incredibly boring), I tend to people watch. I do this because I can take a minimal amount of notes and still recall most of what was said. (See? Superpower, baby!) In all of my observing, I've noticed that there are a few different kinds of meeting goers. For your express enjoyment, I will separate them into categories:

- The Bobble Head: This particular specimen is always a pleasure to observe. Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. This is the co-worker who is constantly nodding their head along with whomever may be speaking, constantly making earnest eye contact so as to make the speaker feel validated. Now, a nod every now and again to agree with a well chosen point is always a good thing. But a Bobble Head has a tendency to nod for the entire duration of the meeting. What is actually being said is of no consequence, a Bobble Head will continue to nod even if you suggest that Martians are going to take over the company and all human jobs will be outsourced to Jupiter. Resist the urge to hold their head still for them. It could lead to some awkward water cooler conversations.

-The Paper Shuffler: The Paper Shuffler or PS has a tendency, exactly as their identifier suggests, to unnecessarily move their papers around. And around and around. It has been suggested by professionals that if you have a PS in your midst it's a-okay to skip them when giving out the meeting's hand outs. You may want to conveniently run out of meeting agendas. It'll save you the time and the sanity.

-The Note Taker:  That guy who sits in the corner, furiously scribbling down every blessed word that anyone says (particularly the boss)? At times you wonder if you see smoke rising gently from underneath the tip of his pen? To be honest, you probably can. The Note Taker will probably be able to recite entire conversations after the fact. Unfortunately for him, it has nothing to do with a superpower. Be sure to have an extra writing utensil close at hand just in case the Note Taker's stops working. You wouldn't to deal with the meltdown.

-The Daydreamer: You know that girl who stares out the window the entire meeting? What? There's no window in your conference room? Okay, fine. A Daydreamer will stare at a blank wall. They also have the tendency to make comments completely unrelated to the current topic. Every now and again, you might want to bump their arm to keep them moderately engaged.

-The Fidgeter: Meetings that contain a fidgeter are particularly difficult for me. It takes all of the very small amount of self-control that I possess not the dive across the table and yank the pen, paperclip, small piece of paper or cell phone out of a figeter's hand and throw it across the room. That wouldn't cause much of a scene would it?

and last but not least...

-The Interrupter: This particular breed of meeting goer is among the most deadly. They make it incredibly difficult to get a word in edgewise and frequently starts sentences with "I did that last week" and "I think that somebody should get on that" or "I think that sending Mallorie to England is a lovely idea" (Okay, maybe not so much that last one). Often, the Interrupter (or Humanus Interruptus) will do their best to change the entire topic of discussion, bringing everything back to their "accomplishments" or "contributions". You may want to grab the Fidgeter's pencil and shove it in their eye. Do NOT resist this temptation. It will be for the good and  betterment of all.

Sometimes...(yup, it's back)

...I see other bloggers do "Sometimes" posts and I wonder if they got the idea from me. (What? I'm self-centered.)

...I don't write on my blog because I can't think of anything wildly entertaining to say. If you had friends who wrote blogs like this you'd be worried about this as well.

...I spend entirely too much time watching Doctor Who. Platt always gives me a hard time for it.

...I realize that Wal-Mart smells like a mix between dirty laundry, fried foods and too much cologne. These moments of clarity lead me to shop at Target.

...I stay up entirely too late looking at artwork on Etsy that is absolutely overpriced.

...my little bloggy gets neglected in favor of Rose and the Doctor. And Shawn and Gus. And murder mystery novels.

...it's not too bad that it didn't snow much this winter. No slipping on ice? Check. No worrying about whehter or not I got frostbite on my toes? Double check. How is this a bad thing?

...my sweet brother posts totally awesome versions of The Beatles "Blackbird" on my Facebook wall. (Did you know that it's my very favorite Beatles song? This is knowledge that is part of the quiz in the application to be my friend. I just gave you a free answer. You're welcome.)

...the urge to make cupcakes is too overwhelming to ignore. These are the days that I wish I had a roommate to help me eat them.

...the nerd in me comes out in uncontrollable spurts.

...the book piles around my bed get so high that I can't differentiate between the stacks of books that are 'to read', 'have already read but can't bear to have put in the book room in the basement', 'lend to friends' and 'catalog in LibraryThing'. It's a hard knock life.

...I judge other people based on their grammar.

Letters to no one...

Dear new cafe here in the business school, 

 Chicken noodle, minestrone, tomato basil, potato leak and veggie are all types of soups. What's that you say? Chili is missing? No. No, it's not. Because chili is not a soup. PUHLEASE learn the difference and quick. It's cold and I want soup.

Sincerely,
  A soup-less and slightly grouchy administrative assistant

Dear Union, 
  Thanks for having a chicken Caesar salad for me.  And for giving me the chance to run into Tracey. It made the freezing cold walk back to the b school worth it.

Love, 
  A FINALLY sated girl

Dearest, darlingest Diet Coke,
  You and me, baby. Furrrrever.

All my love, 
  A girl that would marry you if it were socially acceptable

 Dear snow, 
 I know that you and I have had a love-hate relationship since my return from sunny Southern California nearly four years ago, but (and don't take this the wrong way) could you hurry up and make an appearance around these parts? It's not that I actually want you around; what with all the slushing up my drive to work and constantly putting me in mortal danger when I leave the safety of my house to do something so simple as a run to the grocery store; but I live in this thing called a desert and we kinda need you in order to make it though the summer.

Impatiently yours, 
The short girl who hates it when you get her pants wet but is willing to sacrifice for the good of the many


Dear Tuesday, 
I appreciate the time and energy that you've put forward to be more awesome than Monday. Just know that you efforts have been noted and are greatly appreciated.

Cordially yours,
A fellow Monday hater

A rant and a resolution or four...

To be perfectly honest? I usually find that New Years' Eve is a waste of some well done make up and a carefully chosen outfit. I spend half the night worrying that I have lipstick on my teeth and the other half checking the clock to see if it's time to go home and take my shoes off. (I NEVER walk around random places barefoot. The only exception? My little brother's wedding. I wore 5 inch heels all day. My poor little Hobbit feets were screaming in pain by the end of the reception. That's when I did what any reasonable, sane adult type person would do: I took off those instruments of torture and ran across the parking lot shoe-less; all the while whimpering that my feet were getting dirty. I then promptly washed my now dirty feet when I returned home. But I digress). Don't get me wrong: I've got great friends and we do fun things, but when looked at objectively; New Years' Eve is just another night where most people drink too much and make out in a public place, both of which are socially acceptable on that date. It's also encouraged to throw paper at people and walk around with glitter in your hair; though I suppose those could be considered points in the pro column for New Years', as I like to do both on a regular basis.The only worth while part of the whole business is the resolutions. I love making New Years' resolutions. Usually, I go crazy and try to find a million things that I want to improve; but then end up forgetting about all of the goals that stress me out by February. One year, I even made a goal to make fewer goals, but you can probably guess how well that turned out. So, in a real effort to make some adjustments, I decided that I'd make a few simple goals this year. Are you ready? Hold on to your hats:

A) Go to bed by 11 pm. (I know. I'm getting old. Don't judge me! It just makes getting up at quarter to 7 so much easier).
2) Read more, watch less TV (so as to cut down on the massive pile of unread books currently taking up space on my nightstand. I've already finished one. Seven thousand to go).
Thirdly) Go running three times a week. (Because to be honest? I loathe running. If I tell  myself I must go every day then I get stressed that I'm not doing enough. The number three sounded about right.)
Cuatro) Do something unexpected. This has already been fulfilled. Wanna see?

Since I fulfilled resolution cuatro on the second day of the year, I thought it only fair to add one more. (And before you ask, no, my  hair is not in a ponytail). I like round numbers.
So number five) Quit biting my nails.  It's a wretched nervous habit and it must end now!

So there you have it, my dear friends. A rant and a resolution...or four.

Stay classy.

M

Mea culpa...

Don't hate me. I know. It's been almost three weeks since I posted on my beloved blog. I know. I stink as a blogger. I'm REALLY sorry. Don't believe me? Well fine then. But it's true. Things in my neck of the woods have been busy lately. In a good way. You want to know what I've been up to? You sure? Alright. Here's my list:

What I, Mallorie Anne Mecham, have been doing instead of writing on my beloved blog:

*WORKING
*Going to Next to Normal at PTC (Um, it rocked my world).
*Getting an iPhone (his name is Captain Awesome)
*Hanging out at the Guild Store at Hale Centre Theatre
*Chillin' with  my madre and my sisters
*Planning this chicky's bridal shower
*Hanging out with Very Special Agent Anthony DiNizzo and the crew of NCIS(how have I not been watching this show for years?!)
*Reading these books (SO good)
*Watching replays from the BYU/Utah game (A Utah man, sir! A Utah man am I! [Good heavens,  my school song is so sexist!])
*Messing around on Instagram. (You should probably follow me. Because I'm a double dose of awesome.)
*Going to the symphony
*Drinking Pumpkin Smash Jamba Juices (Fall is back, my friends)
*Thinking about how I really need to write on my blog more often
*Pinteresting more than I should (I now need to be independently wealthy to afford all of the stuff that I am drooling over)
*Thinking that I should probably change up my blog design, but I have no idea how or what I want to do. (Hint hint...I'm open for suggestions)
*Reminding myself to love my neighbors (Freaking dog barking at 1 am....freaking power saw at 730 am on a Saturday. Who do these people think they are?!)
*Cleaning


And I'm now tapped out. But as you can see, I'm leading a very exciting life. :) I swear I'll try and do better...maybe. But only if you promise to comment on this very post and tell me how much you missed my sparkling wit and charming blog personality...

Top Five Reasons I Should be a Character on MI-5...

5) I would most definitely appreciate the completely brilliant gadgets that Malcolm makes for them.  (Malcolm is like MI-5's own personal version of Q and I love him for it.)

4) I'm fantastic at coming up with aliases for people. (Squeegee Beckenhiem? Genius.)

3) While I'm a completely horrific liar, I can talk my way out of almost anything. (Except for cleaning the bathroom when I was younger. Who knew?)

2) I have a baby face. No one would ever suspect that I was a spy (or spook, if you're British). I look too nice.

1) I have a completely deadly withering stare. Don't believe me? Ask any of my students who have lied to me about finishing their homework or any one of my siblings who talked back to me (which to be honest, is all of them.)

I know. My reasoning is brilliant. Call up BBC1 and let them know. I'm on the next flight to London.

A few things I'll never understand part 4... (i.e. the finals edition)

*8:00 am finals. Why in heaven's name do you think my brain will work correctly at that time in the morning?

*Finals that are scheduled for the LAST day at the LAST time possible. Really people?

*Having a paper, a project and a final all due on the same day. Do you really think that you're testing my ability to understand the subject material? There's no way that's going to happen when I'm cramming all of that into one day.

*People who just automatically think that they can join your study group, even though they have NOTHING to contribute and haven't been to class on a regular basis. That, my friends, is what we call a drain.

*The library charging for parking when I have to go study there at night. I already pay you thousands of dollars in tuition, don't you think that you could just let me park for free so I don't go broke?

*Comprehensive Finals. These are the most insane invention known to man. Especially when you already gave me a midterm to study for.

A few things that I simply cannot get enough of...

I love lists, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that I'm putting up yet another one...

Fame. If you haven't seen it, you should. The music rocked my socks off and I've listened to "Someone to Watch Over Me" about 800 times since I downloaded it.

Glee. I know that I'm about the millionth blogger to talk about this and that it's all over Facebook, but friends, I'm serious. If you haven't seen this show. YOU NEED TO. The music is superb and the acting isn't all that bad either. I'm on a musical kick, if you can't tell, but it's been well worth it. :)

"Voice of Reason". Read it. You can thank me later.

Football. Working at the stadium has it's advantages. Like never missing a home game. And getting paid to watch one. And for a fanatic like me, that's just what I need. Free tickets and a perfect seat.

SYTYCD. As a former ballerina, this is my kind of reality show.

Hulu. Watch and rewatch my favorite shows? Yes please!!!

Sherwood. Thanks to Aubie, I've listened to "A Different Light" over and over and over and over again.

Halloween Oreo cookies. This means it's fall. Plus, there's the double bonus of cookie and double stuffed cream in every bite. Rocks my world.

Diet Coke. And Strawberry Kiwi Vitamin Water. Why you ask? No idea. But they satisfy my cravings every time. My car is full of empty bottles...

Paradise Cafe chocolate chip cookies. I'm addicted. Don't judge, but I ate like 3 the other day. And pretty much nothing else.

Hoodies, sweaters and fall clothing of all kinds. If you know me at all, this should not be a surprise. I sleep in a hoodie in the middle of the summer, but it's even better when I'm actually cold enough to use one.

A few things I'll never understand...

*Girls who wear 4 inch heels to school. Our campus is built on a hill people!

*Girls who just bring a purse to school. Don't you take notes in class?

*People who never come to class. Why the freak do you pay thousands of dollars to attend school if you're not going to come?

*Skipping your midterm or final. Are you stupid?

*Controlling mothers of the bride. Is it your wedding? (This comes from watching way too many episodes of Say Yes to the Dress on TLC during a marathon).

*Chubby girls who wear strapless dresses. Friends, let me clue you in on something. This. Looks. Tacky. (Again, I blame Say Yes to the Dress for this one).

*Black and brown together. Just say NO.

*Calling people and then hanging up. This gets you no where and thanks to caller ID they know who's calling.

*Why some married people think they can't be friends with single people. We don't have leprosy or anything. At least not last time I checked. (This is not directed at ANY of my friends who read this blog, so don't take it personally.)

*Snotty people. Grow up, we left high school a while ago.

*People who don't shower. Ew, ew, ew, ew!! (Need I say more?)

Happy...

You know those times where you're just happy? For no particular reason, happiness has decided to settle it's self upon you and let's be honest, you're grateful for it? Today is one of those days. I'm just happy. There's not a specific event that has contributed to it, no exact person, it's a general thing. I think that part of it has to do with the fact that my dreaded Spanish presentation is over and done with for the semester. That was a huge load to get it out of the way, because let's be honest my Spanish teacher is scary. But it's spring now, and that makes evil Spanish teachers not matter as much. My friend Julina got her mission call today and I'm so excited for her. My headache is better today, which makes things much happier. Basically, there's just lots of really great things. While I'm at it, I'll tell you a few more, because let's be honest, who doesn't want to hear about great things?

*Contracts are selling like crazy at work
*My apartment is actually staying clean, which is a miracle in and of it's self
*It's Thursday which is my absolute favorite day of the week
*I get to watch The Office tonight, I love The Office, a little Jim and Pam makes the world a better place, plus, come on, how could I forget Dwight?
*I get to have a friend in my office again today. Sherry and I have fun when we get to work together
*I only have 105 Spanish problems to do, but it's all subjunctive, I love subjunctive.
*I made a new mix last night that is amazing and I have time to listen to it at work. I love music.
*I ONLY have 3 exams next week, which could be 4, so I'm looking on the bright side.

Isn't my life seriously SO blessed? I'm almost as happy as TAMN...