Things To Be Excited About...

The first thing that each and every one of you should be excited about is that I finally got my lazy fingers to post something on this here blog. That's exciting thing number one. Other things are as follows.

*dramatically clears throat*

Things I, Mallorie Anne Mecham, Am Currently Ridiculously Excited About:

(in no particular order...oh who am I kidding. They're SO in order)

1. Mother's Day is in 38 days. This means that I not only get to celebrate my saintly mother, but that I get to talk to this here missionary.

2. I'm leaving for a fancy pants trip to the Dominican Republic and NYC with some pretty freaking awesome people on May 17th. 10 days of sand, awesomeness and no international students sending me emails. If you are calculating correctly you will realize that this means I get to spend my birthday in New York...which leads us to...

3. I get to spend my birthday in NEW YORK CITY! With Charisse. And her awesome family. Three cheers for turning cough28cough and being an honorary Baxter.

4. Jalyanie and Lucas are coming for a WEEK in June to see me. Okay, it's not really to see me, it's for Lucas' sister's wedding, but I'm really important. And I finally get to meet the darling Janie!

5. It's spring. Spring means skirts. And heels. And cute clothes. And flowers. And sunshine. And all kinds of delightful loveliness prior to the death that is SUMMER where I will melt into an unrecognizable puddle.

6. Netflix and the TV gods conspired to give me the greatest birthday present that a magic-trick-loving-banana-eater could ask for. Behold!

7. ENDER'S GAME. People. This is big. My world will be forever changed on November 01, 2013.

8. While I'm on the movie kick: The Veronica Mars Movie. Oh yes, marshmallows. V. Mars is back to rock your world.

9. My hairs are finally growing out. Want proof? See below. (Sorry for the fuzziness. Dropping your iPhone, for some reason, makes it less effective. Who knew?)

9.2 I'm also digging this nail polish color.

10. Even though I can't get myself to Manchester, this is cause for great excitement for a theatre nerd such as m'self.

So dearest friends, what are YOU excited about these days? Fill me in.

Everything I need to know in life I learned from watching Doctor Who...

It is a truth  universally acknowledged that a man in possession of  a blue box must be in want of a companion...

Everything I Need to Know in Life, I Learned from Watching Doctor Who:

- It's never too late to start over.

-If you're on your way to a gay, gypsy bat mitzvah for the disabled and you suddenly get a random thought? Follow through on it. The Third Reich really is rubbish and killing Hitler is a brilliant idea.

-When in doubt, put on your brainy specs. They'll help.

-The smallest, most insignificant moment can change the fate of the universe.

-Turn left.

-Always be yourself.

-Bananas are good, pears are nasty, and apples are rubbish.

-Waiting is worth it in the end.

-Don't trust mannequins, anything dressed as Father Christmas, or any type of Christmas decoration.

-Bowties are cool.

-Sometimes? Everybody lives.

-The Doctor lies.

-It's often the most ordinary looking people who make the biggest difference.

-Time is NOT the boss of you.

-Don't blink. Don't even think about it.

-Shakespeare was a flirt.

-Spending Christmas in London is a surefire way to meet the Doctor.

-A mop and a fez complete any outfit.

-Be excited about your fingers.

-Feel like everyone is staring at your back? Yeah, there's probably a time vortex there.

-Extermination is never the answer.

-Love is always more powerful than hate.

-Dying and turning into a Roman is VERY distracting.

-Good men don't need rules.

-Nothing can last forever.

-Spoilers are everywhere. Just look for them.

-Things are rarely what they seem.

-We don't understand babies because we're just not listening the right way.

-The universe is big. And vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things can happen and we call them miracles.

-You have control over who you will be.

-Keeping a journal will come in handy.

-Memory is more powerful than we know.

-When you disagree with the manual, throw it into a supernova.

-The universe is made of tiny stories.

-Time is not a straight line, it's a ball of wibbley wobbley timey wimey.

-There's loads of boring stuff. Like Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons. But now and then there are Saturdays. Big temporal tipping points when anything's possible.

-Don't trust anyone who brings you coffee just to be nice. 

-They might shoot you, but you still have the moral high ground.

-If you wake up with a bunch of tick marks on your arm, and you can't remember what just happened? RUN. It means the Silence is near.

-Books are the greatest weapons in the world.

-Even when you try your hardest, sometimes you fail. You just have to dust off your trainers, straighten your bowtie and move on.

-Speaking of trainers, they go nicely with a pinstripe suit.

-Don't be afraid to try something ridiculous such as fish fingers and custard. It might be exactly what you're looking for.

-If you're going to die, do it looking like a Peruvian folk band.

-The Rotmeister isn't the greatest nickname.

-When in doubt, make up a word.

-Patience is for wimps.

-Being normal is overrated.

-Be sure your wedding dress has pockets. And that you always carry your cell phone.

-If you look hard enough, there are more wonders in the world than you could have ever dreamed of.

Oh heeey...

You wanna know something I'm best at? 

Forgetting to blog.

And now Eli, who is totally blog famous despite his complete and total inability to properly learn to use simple technology (like the camera on his cell phone), has mentioned me on his blog. You should probably read the post. (But after you've finished reading this one. I need the attention.) If only because I'm mentioned and that means that my list of life goals are now half as long. I can safely cross: "Find a way to get yourself mentioned on Eli's blog so you can feel special" off. Which means that I now have to write something fantastic just in case someone makes their way over here expecting to be entertained.

In all reality, it feels to good to have accomplished something worthwhile despite the fact that the last two weeks of life have pretty much been a complete wash when it comes to productivity. Turns out? Getting your tonsils yanked? It makes one extremely tired. And sore. And grouchy. And sick of watching TV. Who knew? I found something very important out about myself in these last two weeks: I am far too achievement oriented to be a good sick person. I drove everyone around me batty. I'm lucky that my family loves me. Particularly my madre and my sisters. One day, while fairly high on some sort of lovely drug that was 100% prescribed to me by a licensed medical professional, I tried to do laundry. I'm sure that it was extremely entertaining to watch a girl who couldn't walk in a straight line if her life depended on it stumble back and forth from the laundry basket to her closet. Hey, I'm nothing if not entertaining. Now, dear readers, I'm mostly healed and back at my lovely place of work. It feels absolutely fantastic to be DOING something again.

Update me on what's going on in your worlds. I need comments. The doctor said it would help my throat heal faster.

Top 10 Reasons I'm Sick of Being Sick...

Have you wondered where I've been? All two of you that actually check this blog looking for updates. I know  you've been concerned for my safety. I think I even heard whisperings of a search party being sent out on my behalf; but fear not, good readers, this blogger is alive and mostly well. That's right. I've got my second case of the plague in three short weeks. Since I love to make lists (and I'm bored stiff after spending 2 days in bed), here's a list of the top 10 reasons I know I'm sick of being sick.

10) I have spent approximately 10 hours pinning useless things on Pinterest. 

9) I actually went through a whole gallon of orange juice. (I hate orange juice).

8)I watched all of He's Just Not That Into You, not just the parts with Alex and Gigi like I (or any sane person) normally do.

7) I actually took 2 days off of work to stay in bed. 

6) I've been in bed before 10 pm for the last three nights.

5) I'm all caught up on every single TV show I watch and my DVR is completely clear.

4) I haven't cleaned my kitchen or vacuumed in three days.

3) I wore my pajamas to Noodles & Co. yesterday to get chicken noodle soup

2) I didn't even care when two overly quaffed, overly waxed and overly dressed guys pointed and laughed at my black and white snowflake pj pants and bright pink hoodie, which were paired with my brown slippers. Yup, I'm classy. 

and reason number #1 that I'm sick of being sick:

1) I actually watched an entire season of NCIS and now a little bit bored with Gibbs & Co. It's not their fault, you see. But when a girl only leaves the house twice in a couple of days, she starts to feel like she's trapped inside. And then she gets bored with even the most exciting things. 

So I beg of you, dear neglected readers, tell a girl something exciting.

(Also, I finally updated my quotes of the week. Be excited.)

Top Five Reasons I Should be a Character on MI-5...

5) I would most definitely appreciate the completely brilliant gadgets that Malcolm makes for them.  (Malcolm is like MI-5's own personal version of Q and I love him for it.)

4) I'm fantastic at coming up with aliases for people. (Squeegee Beckenhiem? Genius.)

3) While I'm a completely horrific liar, I can talk my way out of almost anything. (Except for cleaning the bathroom when I was younger. Who knew?)

2) I have a baby face. No one would ever suspect that I was a spy (or spook, if you're British). I look too nice.

1) I have a completely deadly withering stare. Don't believe me? Ask any of my students who have lied to me about finishing their homework or any one of my siblings who talked back to me (which to be honest, is all of them.)

I know. My reasoning is brilliant. Call up BBC1 and let them know. I'm on the next flight to London.

The Day of the Presidents' Birth...

Can I please just share with all of you that I adore Monday holidays more than other types of holidays? I love that I get to sleep in. I love that I don't have class. Mostly, it just all around rocks. Today was particularly fantastic because I got to see my darling Alissa. We decided to have an Italy in Salt Lake day. We went here:

And I had this:

Alissa had this:

Oh and I'll give you a picture of Alissa because she's darling:

Sorry, it's a little dark, but isn't she cute?

Here's a little more fun:

Um, just so you know, that focaccia bread changed my life. 

Then there was some of this:

"Snow suit up!"

 "It's gonna be ledgend-wait for it and I hope you're not lactose intolerant because the second half of that word is DAIRY!!"

"Dang it, Past Ted!"

"Tell me that I'm your best friend!"

"'Booger!' 'Yes, hello Barney.'"

"It tasted like freedom. No, it tasted like pennies."

Are you jealous? Be jealous. I am awesome. I was also lucky enough to get a little time with this chicky:

We mocked people's blogs. We talked about how she was going to come see me when I get my tonsils yanked. Mostly, I love her and seeing her made my day even more fantastical.

Dear Presidents, 

  I really appreciate you being born. I'm sure grateful for the day off work and the extra time to become addicted to TV shows that are hilarious and amazing and see my incredible friends. 

Love and rockets, 

 Mals

Wouldn't you want...(day 14)

to trade places with her too? Aside from the fact that she's totally gorgeous, I have real reasons for wanting to be Yvonne Strahovski.

 Here's why.

1) She has amazing hair. I mean, look at it!? If I could get away with looking like an adult as a blonde than I'd do it, but alas. I look like I'm 12.

2) She's Australian, which means she has an awesome accent.

3) She does most of her own stunts. Cool, no?

4) She's super into service.

and last but definitely not least, 

5) She gets PAID to kiss Zac Levi. 

Hard job? I think not. 

Remember how I'm obsessed with...(day 5)

TV? Yeah, I do. So here's my top 3 favorite shows...in no particular order.

Who in their right mind wouldn't love my Gilmore Girls?

 "Underwear, hockey puck, monkey monkey underpants!"

"Help me Chuck Bartowski, you're my only hope." 

"Objectively I'd say I'm very smart, but it has nothing to do with my ass." (Don't be offended by the fact that I didn't censor that for you. Bones is too funny to censor.)

Just when you thought it was impossible...

...my TV addiction has grown yet again. I know I know. You're all reading this and wondering how in heaven's name I have time to watch all of these shows and lead the incredibly fabulous life that I do. It's hard, let me tell you, it's tough. I don't sleep much. But, lucky for all of you, it's a burden that I am more than willing to bear. 

If you know me at all, you know that I am a total sucker for any kind of spy show and that I want to grow up and become a spy. (What?! You weren't privy to this information? Read quick. This message will self destruct in 5...4...3...2...1.. Gotcha).
This stems, I'm sure, from a deeply rooted desire to marry Jason Bourne. And before you ask, no, I don't mean Matt Damon. I'm talking about the 100% fictional character of Jason Bourne. 

Don't judge.

The completely twisted side of my brain figures that if I learn kung fu (or whatever martial art is currently en vogue) by watching enough spy movies then just maybe Jason will suddenly appear on a street corner, grab me by the hand and we'll disappear into thin air and live on some unknown island in the middle of nowhere. (This is your friendly reminder that this is my freaking blog and I will obsess whatever and over whom ever I choose).

 I've watched 24. Chuck. Mission Impossible. James Bond. Just about every Tom Clancy novel that's been turned into a movie. (And let's not even go into the books that I've read. It'd take all day).

 I'd watched an occasional episode of Alias, but I never gotten in to it on any kind of regular basis. Until now. Thanks, once again, to the miracle of TV on DVD I can watch all five seasons of Alias back to back without that whole pesky waiting thing. This new addiction started because I saw Bradley Cooper (sigh) in The A-Team and Megan, my DVD pusher, recommended Alias for my growing Bradley obsession. So here I am. At 2 am. Sitting on my bed. Still in jeans and a t shirt. Watching Will fawn over Sydney and wishing that I had pink hair. 

Go ahead. Call me crazy. You wouldn't be the first.  

From Languid to Lively...

So let it be known that I am not a born runner. I actually kind of hate it. Add to this the fact that I have an ever so slight case of exercise induced asthma and you have a strong case for my complete aversion of running. God has blessed me with numerous other talents (wit, dazzling charm, a vivacious personality and resplendent beauty being just a few) but any type of athletic ability was generously heaped on my younger siblings. Despite all of this opposition, I have embarked on a new goal this summer. I have been lazy as all get out since school ended. Especially since my work schedule changed to afternoons only. Basically all I do is work and sleep and watch way too much TV. In an effort to combat this lackadaisical attitude, I have begun running on a daily basis; and this is what I've discovered:


I still hate running. 
But I do kind of like how I feel when 
I'm all done with it 
(the whole being sweaty aside). 


The reason that I'm posting this for all the world to see is because I figure that if I tell all of my internet friends then I'll feel slightly more accountable to continue with my goal; especially on the days where staying home and eating Gushers while watching Firefly sounds like more fun. 

Sometimes...

...I worry when I'm walking down the stairs that I'm going to twist my ankle. I know that it's completely irrational, but I've done it so many times that I'm always worried that I'll do it again.


...people call my desk and ask for John Huntsman. He's the US Ambassador to China, so let me just transfer you right on over to Beijing.


...I remember that my job is 1200 times better then most people's jobs.


...I am fed lunch at work. (Like the past 2 days, we've had catered events by two of my favorite caterers. Huzzah for not eating campus food.)


...I spend 14 hours on campus. (Case in point: Today I had to work both my jobs, go to class and a study session. This is not in any way a complaint, solely an observation.)


...I walk and read. I was doing this very thing this morning on my way to the Trax station.


...I dye my hair kinda crazy colors. Right now I'm on a brown and red kick. It's more of a violet red then actual red. I love it.


...my sister and I talk to each other in movie quotes and it's amazing.


...I spend entirely too much money buying books on Amazon. I need to attend a support group.


...I wear black. (Okay, all the time. Karlie says she's going to send me to a support group for that and argyle. I maintain that I can stop any time I want.)


...I read TV blogs when I'm bored at work.


...I twirl my hair when I'm nervous. This is why my hair is so thin. I yank it out.


...I just want to run and hide underneath the covers on my bed instead of dealing with the real world. No, I'm not 4 years old anymore, but I have days where I wish I was.


...I blog stalk.

Where Have I Been...

...you ask? Well. Let me just fill you in. I have been:

-at Rice-Eccles Stadium, answering phones.
-sick in bed, with no voice.
-at the Burb tutoring my two favorite basketball players.
-living on the 3rd floor of the Marriott Library with Liz.
-in PG visiting my amazing family.
-attempting to drive in the snow.
-teaching Sunday school.
-visiting Karlie Marie.
-Christmas shopping.
-wishing I was in some amazing foreign city instead of...
-taking comprehensive finals.
-writing a hugeola paper about South Africa.
-watching Chuck on Hulu (and Bones and Ugly Betty and Castle...I watch TV when I'm stressed, okay?!)

Where have YOU been?

Someone I love from the heart...

I have more than once written about my little sister Whit (whom I call Squeegee) on this blog, and if you read it regularly enough you should know that she is one of my very best friends. I'm going to tell you right now one of the reasons why:

Tonight instead of going out, Whit and I spent the entire night on the computer (me in Salt Lake, Squeeg in PG) watching Chuck and talking about it on Facebook. It was basically the best idea we ever had.

The light at the end of the tunnel...

Hello friends! I am still alive! I know it's crazy to think, but I did survive midterms. As a present for finishing, I received a lovely cold. I haven't had a voice for a couple of days which meant that I had an excuse to stay in my bed and watch Grey's Anatomy for hours and drink lots and lots of tea. So all in all, it wasn't all that bad. Living at my grandma's house has its perks while being sick. I swear she cleared off an entire shelf of tea at the store, bringing me home every kind that she could possibly find. I also taught Sunday school this weekend, which I loved. And to top it all off, tomorrow kicks off my week of fall break. I work for part of it, but I also get to make sugar cookies, read, sleep and watch my new found favorite crime show, Bones. All in all, life is pretty darn great.

Spontaneous Dento-Hydro Plosion and other such nonesense....

Tonight I had one of the most significant experiences of my young life. For the first time ever, I watched "The Office". I was an Office neophyte before 8:30, Tuesday May 20th and boy am I glad that someone brought me out of that dark stage of my life. I feel like a light has come on, well, more of a desk lamp. Or one of those ugly florescent lights that they use overhead to save energy in office buildings.Okay, enough dramatics. I now LOVE The Office. I'm in love with Jim, just like everyone said I would be. He's so cute! And I just love his floppy hair. I'm pretty sure that I now need to put my little sister's alarm clock in Jello or at least her favorite pen or something. I want to get a "World's Greatest Boss" mug for my store director, Josh and encase it in Jello as well or maybe just make dessert jokes all the time. I also have a strong desire to shred things while people are making important calls...wow. This show really has changed my life. Let's just hope it hasn't had any effect on my race or my health plan.